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Bench Press

David Wolkowsky’s annual party was the usual roaring success with the best of Key West from the artists and authors and poets to the elite conchs with streets named after them. And of course there are the ‘guests’ who have never received a cream colored embossed invitation in the handwritten matching envelope, but they crash the party each year. David notices everything. I, on the other hand, notice very little these
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Joker

The other night late I dawdled to chat with my friend Malloy, the joke teller. I have spent many hours seated beside Malloy out there on Duval Street until business hours end, which is after 4 in the morning. My first year here before I knew anyone Malloy was a place for me tarry and watch the nuttiness I love so much about Key West. Strolling around is fun, but sometimes I want a good perch from which to observe and
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Dirty Bird

After three months of near total isolation I scraped off the Yeti exterior and made myself presentable for David Wolkowsky’s annual downtown rooftop party to celebrate the start of the Key West Literary Seminar. This year’s party was in honor of poet Billy Collins. Only for my dear friend David would I make the monumental effort to buff and dress up. I’ll confess I toppled in my high heels. 10 o’clock the
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Sticky Stripper

I don’t even like to touch doorknobs. The night the three of us went to the strip club a stripper offered to mash my face between her breasts. I declined. So she went up the pole and swung around in some impressive positions, and I gave her a dollar. And then the unthinkable happened, she stuck out her hand for me to shake! I didn’t know what to do! I am totally germ phobic. But I did not want to be rude
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New Year’s Resolutions

The 5 stages of seeing a project from start to finish. 1. New idea! Full of enthusiasm. Brilliant! Going to change the world! 2. Small compromise. It’s going to be ok, not great but good enough. 3. Very flawed, but you’re in so deep already, you have to finish. 4. ‘Who do I have to fuck to get off this project!!’ 5. Blame the innocent and/or take credit depending on how things end up… Best of
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Magic Keys

At the end of a long path of shells and hemmed by tall grasses nestles a cottage surrounded by garden, the lip of which sinks into dense mangroves and there opens up a view of a peaceful ocean inlet. Beautiful by day and beautiful by night. At night, matching the stars above, in indentations in the sandy ground you sometimes saw shimmer, crushed and scattered diamonds. If you poked at the glistening piles, say with t
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Gift Horse

I did not think I was the luckiest six-year-old in the world when, at the start of one week in Switzerland with the family, I broke my leg for a Christmas present. My ski pass already purchased I wrecked my leg before even getting on the slopes. I had nothing to do except learn how to get around on the snow on crutches. For company I would have to spend my time with the new boyfriend of my mother as he was not much o
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Nicknames

One morning early, on my Serbian adventure, I was driven from central Belgrade to the top of Avala, a mountain where my ancestor, King Alexander I of Yugoslavia, commissioned a monument The Tomb of the Unnamed Soldier to commemorate the victims of the Balkan Wars and World War I. Wars he fought in. This tomb would be built over the site of a medieval Fort, which was itself constructed atop the ruins of an ancient Rom
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Stand Up Paddle

SUP?!!! I’ve watched punters standing, or sometimes sitting, on ‘paddle boards’, and honestly, I have always suspected this was not quite a ‘sport’. Until I tried it, and I loved it! Everything was contrary to my expectations. It is not boring! It is not difficult! After my few years here the notches I count on my belt are sightings of eagle rays, of manatees, of dolphins and miniature deer, and sunsets. The paddle b
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